Gun Bling - Point Blank Fashion

Time for a new trend in the concrete jungle; you have to check

out this range of ballistic fashion statements.

Shayad Shotgun-Shadi ka khayal aaya hai, ise liya mummy ne tumhe chai pe bulaya hai.

Goli maar ball main… get it!

Ever heard of gothic, well this is totally ballistic.

That’s something to discourage purse snatchers.

The cinch in any domestic argument.

Master the fine art of textual intercourse

So she’s been messaging you and you have been messaging her back. Wonder what’s really going on in her mind? Decode her here.

L - Think of me as special.

If she signs her initial, she’s trying to work out how much you like her. She reckons you know loads of girls with the initial ‘L’ but hopes this ‘L’ will stand out.

. (Period) - Stop thinking of me, or I’ll call the police.

A full stop might mean that she’s telling you, “Don’t even think about it, I’m way out of your league”. Or perhaps, it just means that she’s very particular about her commas and full stops. Don’t worry, she’d only have corrected your punctuation for the rest of the relationship.

X - You are nice, I like you.

For the uninitiated, ‘x’ in short messaging lingo stands for a kiss. Don’t start jumping about and whooping for joy yet, though. Most women will add one ‘x’ to just about every text message that they send out, regardless of who it’s being actually sent to. While it’s tempting, don’t read too much into it.

XXXXXX - You’re nice, I’m a bunny-boiler. And I’m actually hiding outside your door.

So many kisses could mean only one thing. She wants you badly, you’re the one, you are the one! The one that she wants to hack up and keep in her freezer! She’s obsessed with you, maybe just a little too much. Be afraid, be very afraid.

Get Her A Gift And Get The Girl

‘What’s the easiest and the most effective way of impressing

a girl and impressing upon her the idea, that she means

the world to you?’ Our resident Casanova, the Playa

answered – just get her a gift. I did a double take, for

if my memory served me right The Playa is extremely

disparaging about guys who shower women with

flower and gifts. After all only a guy with an incredibly

low self esteem would use gifts as a form of ‘proposal’.

‘It’s a crude sidearm of a guy with no game’ says the playa.

So what led to a sudden and dramatic change in his philosophy?

Why giving gifts is a bad idea

He explained ‘using gifts to snag a woman early when you

are both testing the waters rarely ever works. But that’s

because of the kind of gifts guys usually go for. More

often than not, the gifts they are purchase are

unimaginative, cliqued and horribly expensive.

Moreover, using fancy gifts to get a girl early on in

a relationship is a way of saying – I feel I need

to bribe you into liking me (because as a man

I have little else to offer). However, a gift

that’s thoughtful, interesting and romantic

(in the true sense of the word) is a powerful

attraction building tool.’

A lesson from life

Honestly, I never quite understood the difference

before I met my current girlfriend. A Facebook

friendship to begin with, our chats (despite my

aversion to chatting) lengthened. And without

actually ever saying so, the bond had definitely

deepened between us. She like me was in

between relationships and before a fortnight

had passed, we were nicely into each other.

However, even though we both kept making

plans to meet up, our busy schedules conspired

to keep us apart. Then came a three day

impromptu trip to Mclodganj (Dharamshala)

with my colleagues. Leaving aside the various

adventures we had over there (one of which included

trippinn with a British Rock band and crashing at

the place of the lead singer), what made this

trip significant the practical lesson I received on

The Playa’s funda of buying gifts for potential girlfriends.

Mclodganj like most of tourist hotspots is filled

with shops selling local curios. Masks, statuettes,

woollens and handicrafts of every imaginable

variety – however, nothing enthused me enough to

pull out my wallet. Even though I really wanted to

purchase something for my lady love, the admonitions

of the Playa coupled with the fact that I didn’t see

anything she couldn’t have got in Janpath (near CP in Delhi)

acted as a restraint. Instead of getting her a cheesy

(and expensive) memorabilia that would make me

look cheesy, I’d get her nothing at all. It’s not as if I’m

stingy, but here we are talking about a girl I haven’t even

met.

Meaningful Gifts - Know What I Mean

However, on the third and last day of the trip, as were

walking to the mall area, from where we were supposed

to board the bus, I spotted a really old man sitting

under tree carvingdesigns on wooden blocks. The

designs were really

intricate and some of them beautiful enough to take my

breath away. These would make a perfect gift, I thought.

Mah girl

had told me that she was a fervent devotee of Lord

Krishna, and a member of the ISKON group. She had

also told me that she performs there every Sunday

with the other devotees.

Dressed in a traditional lehenga- choli she danced in

front the idol – interesting girl, don’t you think. So I asked

this fellow if he had carved a Krishna motif. After rustling

through his basket, he took out a block on which a peacock

feather was carved. And while it looked interesting enough,

what really sweetened the deal was the carving was actually

a tattoo imprint. The guy dipped it into thick mehendi mixture

and made an imprint on my arm. It rocked!! Talk about thoughtful

gifts.

She loved it!!

Needless to say that she was ecstatic with the gift

and the very interesting story which accompanied

it. A mild exaggeration of sorts but as the Playa says,

a little spice never hurts.

Top 10 Quotes You Never Heard During a Cricket Match

I finally gave up watching cricket after the Bhajji-Symonds

row. There was no point; real life (the fight) was presided

over by two dumbfounded commentators speculating the

cause, the language and the conclusion of it all.

The gentleman’s game has become so aggressive that

they had to coin a term for it, ‘sledging’. However, if you

believe that this aggression is an attribute of the new

millennia, think again. Here are some quotes compiled

over the years which you never heard on your TV.

Rod Marsh vs. Ian Botham

Rod Marsh: "How are your wife and my kids?"

Ian Botham: " Wife’s fine but the kids are retarded"

Anonymous

"What a classy shot! Its heading over the boundary!.

Wait, a man is under it. OUT! What was he thinking?

Appalling shot!"

Glenn McGrath vs. Eddo Brandes

McGrath: "Why are you so fat?"

Brandes: "Because every time I make love to your

wife, she gives me a biscuit."

Mark Waugh vs. Adam Parore

Mark Waugh: “I remember this bloke from last tour,

he couldn’t bat then and he can’t bat now'”

Adam Parore: “Yeah I remember you too. Last

time I was here you were going out with a fat old

ugly whore. Now you married her!”

Marv Hudges vs. Viv Richards

Richards: "This is my island, my culture.

Don't you be staring at me. In my culture

we just bowl."

Merv: "In my culture we just say f**k off."

Daryll Cullinan vs. Shane Warne

Shane Warne: “I had to wait for two years to

embarrass you again”

Darryl Cullinan: “Looks like you spent it eating".

Ian Healy vs. Arjuna Ranatunga

Ian Healy: "Put a Mars Bar on a good length.

That should do it."

(Shane Warne was having trouble getting the

overweight Sri Lankan captain to drive.)

Merv Hughes vs. Robin Smith

Merv: "You can't f***king bat, mate."

Smith: "Hey Merv, we make a fine pair. I can't

f**king bat and you can't f**king bowl."

Ian Healy vs. Arjuna Ranatunga

Ian Healy: "You don't get a runner for being

an overweight, unfit, fat c*nt!”

(When Arjuna Ranatunga called for a runner

on a particularly hot night during a one dayer in

Sydney)

Glenn McGrawth vs. Ramnaresh Sarvan

McGrath: “What does Brian Lara's cock taste like? “

Sarwan: “I don't know, go ask your wife “

(McGrath (replied): “You mention my f**king wife

again and I’ll rip your f**king throat out!”)