Eye-Contact Secrets

Where do you look when you are talking to a girl? Where do you think you should be looking? Does it matter where your eyes are? Believe me, if you want to be great with chicks, you need to have excellent eye contact…

Importance of eye-contact
Ok, so if eye contact is so important, what are some of the practical things you can do to enhance it and ensure that you are doing it correctly? Firstly, understand that a woman assesses you immediately. As the old saying goes, you never get a second chance to make a first impression. It’s true, so it’s very important to carry yourself and present yourself optimally all the time, and your eye contact or lack thereof will tell her volumes about you. Like it or not, she will judge you on the way you walk and approach her, on the way you stand when you arrive and when you talk to her and, even more importantly, the way you look at her. She will immediately attempt to ascertain every facet of your personality from your appearance, your posture and the way you move. In fact, within 30 seconds a woman will pretty much feel that she has a handle on your past, present and future, all from her first impression. That’s how important it is. And a huge part of this first impression is the ease in which you, the seducer, look into her eyes.

A great example of eye-contact
For a great example of excellent eye contact, watch Mickey Roark in the movie “Nine and a Half Weeks”. When he first encounters Kim Bassinger, she’s shopping for scarves looking down at a table. He approaches from the side and he says something to her and when she looks up at him he looks DIRECTLY into her eyes. It’s great eye contact that he gives her. But further, (and this separates the great seducers from the average guy) when she’s looking at this guy thinking who is this guy, and she attempts to look back down the table, he follows her eyes. He stays locked on, and actually moves his head to keep giving her eye contact. It’s very seductive and very subtle. He wasn’t glaring at her but maintained a nice easy eye contact. It’s a great example, so rent the movie and see what I mean.

Three types of eye contact
So here’s a little bit about eye contact. Just so that you know.

With strangers (unknown males): When we are introduced to another person, like another guy for example, we tend to shift our eyes around without really giving good eye contact at all. In other words, we just casually greet person with a “Hi, how are you” or something and look around the room and then glance back at him and vaguely give him eye contact. That’s generally how you do an eye contact.

During interviews and presentations: Then there are situations in which we concentrate on maintaining eye contact. At a job interview, for instance, when we are trying really hard to maintain eye contact and we kind of shift our gaze from eye to eye, back and forth, and keep looking from one interviewer to the other. This is disinterested, polite eye contact. We are trying hard to maintain eye contact but we aren’t really feeling connected with that person in any way. So that’s another way we do an eye contact.

With friends and acquaintances: When we are having a heart to heart conversation with a friend, we tend to expand that eye to eye range to include the nose and the mouth, kind of like a triangle. So we look at both eyes then look at the nose and then the mouth. And this is the kind of eye contact we do when we are among friends and acquaintances.

How to use your eyes to seduce girls
Then, when we encounter a girl we like, and we are being a flirt, we do something different. We tend to expand our gaze to include more of the face and even parts of their body but we always return back to the eyes. And if we warm up to each other and feel that there is somewhat of a connection and a little bit of chemistry, you will notice and she too will notice that how the two of you start to gaze more intently into each other’s eyes.

Reading into eye contact
Another thing that we do when we start feeling attracted to somebody is that we tend to watch their lips a lot when they are talking, more than we would watch, let’s say, the lips of our boss. So we essentially take in a bit but we always go back to the eyes and watch the mouth. So here’s something you can do practically. If you notice she is watching you and looking at your mouth as you speak, that can be a very good sign. She might be wondering what it would be like to kiss you. So if you too consciously do the same, you will be able to draw out the girl, making her feeling attracted to you, in spite of herself.

The size of her pupils: If there is a one sign that’s impossible to fake, if you want to really find out if a particular girl is interested in you, is her pupil size. Invariably, the more she finds you attractive and the greater the degree of chemistry, the larger her pupils or yours will become. You just can’t fake it. So if you see her across the table, in a restaurant on a date and her pupil size is very large, you can be sure that she’s very interested in what you have to say and very attracted to you. Another thing is her blink rate. Her blink rate will tend to go up somewhat, so you could artificially increase your blink rate to make her more likely to reciprocate, to get that kind of attraction starting to roll.

The next time you are on a date, calibrate her level of attraction to you by where she’s is looking, how fast she’s blinking and the size of her pupils. So hopefully if you have given off the right eye contact signals, she will come across as love struck.

Cold Reading Her Mind

“There is a sucker born every minute,” so said the famous 19th century circus entrepreneur Taylor Barium. While I don’t encourage the notion that all girls are suckers (pun not intended) and can be snared through goofy pick up lines, they certainly do have a weakness for men who “understand” them. This essentially means that your chances with a girl will dramatically improve if you are able to impress her with your knowledge about her past, present, likes & dislikes.

Since you cannot do this by reading tarot cards, tea leaves, palms or crystal balls, you’ll need to learn from the philosophies behind them. People are impressed when you take the time to learn about them, and women are no exception. Cold reading involves studying a woman for a while and picking up on her body language and some of the non-verbal clues to her personality.


What Is Cold Reading
Cold reading is a technique used by salespeople, interrogators and psychics to convince other people that they know more about them than they actually do. Generally, the cold reader will make a series of vague statements, will observe their reaction, and then will refine the original statements based on the reactions they got.

If you have ever read a newspaper horoscope and felt that it was accurate, you have experienced a cold read type of statement.

The reason that it works so well, is because of the use of ambiguities... basically statements which can have multiple meanings. When a person hears such a word or statement, their mind will fill in the meaning from their own personal experience. Thus it seems to be a true statement about them.


Generalizing Women
To begin with, all my PITs need to realise that while every woman would like to think that she’s unique and different from the rest of her kind, the fact is that they really aren’t as different as they think they are. All of them have needs, desires, aspirations and goals that are identical to any other girl in their particular social milieu. Once you realise that women share many similarities, you could use these very convenient (and truthful) generalisations to accurately read the woman’s inner psyche.



Most cold reading tricks are of the “one size fits all” variety and will be successful on whoever you try. This is because of the fact that while as individuals our desires and concerns might be unique and different – our basic outlook towards life aren’t. We get our values from our immediate family and society, and this will have an affect on our external appearance, the way we speak and conduct ourselves.



Understanding The Cold Read Process
The trick is to state something to a woman that’s true about her, something she’s doing, or the situation the two of you are in…


…and then follow up with something that “could”be true about her.
…and if she agrees with your cold read, follow it up with something else that “could” be true about her.

Let’s look at an example…
If I’ve just met a woman whose arms are crossed and she’s leaning back, I might comment, “Your arms are crossed and you’re leaning back. I bet you’re a people watcher. You’re always watching and analyzing what people around you are doing.”

Key point: I’m not asking if this is true about her, I’m stating this as true about her. If she agrees with my reading, and 98% of the time they do, I’ll say…
“But I bet… you can truly have the best time when you stop analyzing, stop being an observer, and let go, allowing yourself to be in the moment completely. And I know this because I’m the exact same way.”




Building Rapport With Cold Reading
Building rapport is important anytime you have an interaction with another person. All that really matters is to understand if you want a woman to feel comfortable with you, you'll need to build rapport with her.

Steps to build rapport:

1. You need to make her feel like you really understand her and so she will open up to you.

2. You'll need to be a very good listener during this process so when you hear a commonality, you can point it out to her so she realizes it. Otherwise she won't notice.

3. Utilize a mixture of general statements and subtle leading questions to gain information on the subject by either verbal or non-verbal means (such as tone of voice, facial expressions, body language, etc).

Use this example as a framework for cold reading. [CR = Cold Read]

PIT (CR): You seem like someone with lots of ideas but they tend to be a bit unrealistic
Girl: OMG, that's so true. I have these ideas... and when I tell my friends they say I'm a total dreamer, all the time.. blah blah
PIT: That's too funny, my friends tell me the same thing when I tell them about... blah blah

Now you have something in common with her and you’ve build rapport.



Commonly Used Cold Reads
This is a list of the 16 most effective cold reads by psychics. Don’t memorize these as they need to sound natural - exact words don’t matter but the context does. You can mix and match them based on the context.

1. You have a strong need for others to like and admire you.

2. You have a tendency to be critical of yourself.

3. You have a great deal of unused capacity which you have not turned to your advantage.

4. Your past relationships have presented problems for you.

5. You can be disciplined and controlled on the outside, and worrisome and insecure on the inside.

6. You sometimes doubt your own decisions.

7. You like change and variety and don't like to be hemmed in by restrictions and limitations.

8. You are independent minded and need proof before accepting others opinions.

9. You have found it unwise to be too frank in revealing yourself to others.

10. At times you are extroverted and sociable, while at others you are introverted and reserved.

11. Some of your aspirations tend to be pretty unrealistic.

12. You are currently fighting against restraints on your desires to express yourself creatively and freely.

13. You tend to keep people at bay in order to protect yourself, because in the past you have been disappointed by people. You keep people at arms length until YOU decide to let them into the magic circle of your life.

14. One of your parents is no longer around or emotionally very distant from you.

15. You have such a little girl’s smile; it is so innocent. But I can tell from your eyes that you have a sinister side to you.

16. You know what? You put on this act of always being very tough and businesslike, but on the inside you are sensitive like a little child. It’s just that most people aren’t able to see through your mask and just judge you on your external appearance.


Player’s Final Words
Cold reading is powerful seduction tool as it provides a way to get her to open up to you without her feeling like it's an interview. Then you can find commonalities that you share so that she can bond with you.Have lots of canned cold reading material up your sleeve which you can then mix and match with the girl’s personality, making your reading a lot more accurate and, consequently, more effective.


It may also happen during this process, that you find out she's not really a woman you want to spend time with. You'll have saved a lot of time finding this out

Being The Player

How you doin’?
Sounds pretty familiar, doesn’t it? The familiar, less-than-silky drawl of Joey Tribbiani from Friends has made us smile innumerable times The patented pick-up line worked like a charm, and The Player (before I became one), watching this simpleton operate with his usual panache as he went about picking up girls, often wondered “How the hell does he do it?” Of course it’s just a sitcom. We aren’t meant to take it seriously. But that’s where most of us make a blunder. Art, irrespective of the form, always imitates life. So is there a lesson to be learnt from Joey’s coarse Casanova? Maybe, if we delve deeper into it.

The painful Indian paradox
Yes, it’s quite painful, the paradox that the Indian male faces. Enveloped as we are by a culture that preaches restraint, we have complicated most things to the extent that some of the most basic of human activities leave us twitchy and unsure of ourselves. The question that arises here is can “courting a girl” be classified as a basic human activity. Now, if we scrape off some of the gloss from these high sounding words what would we be left with – Attracting a mate! Pure, straight and simple. That is exactly what we are all pursuing. So along with pursuing the solutions to all other basic needs like hunger and shelter, we are subconsciously also pursuing the solution to spreading our genes.

Over the years, we have invented complex trades that take years to master. We are forever in pursuit of that elusive job and spend at least a couple of decades learning the solutions to convoluted problems. But we allowed these complexities to invade all aspects of our existence including the ritual of mating. To help us cope up with these complications, we invented effective solutions. We built schools, universities, libraries and observatories and taught ourselves to dissect life and remain in control. But just think about it. Were we ever told a word about what we ought to when a girl walks past us leaving us sans a heart but a lot of stiff?

Where we went wrong
No, it was obviously taken for granted that unlike all the other pursuits at which we were given a vigorous training, attracting a mate was something that we would naturally master. The kind of regimented lifestyle that we lead, I believe, has killed in most of us the ability to understand the psychology of the opposite sex. The system of education that we have in India is great for producing cogs to serve the corporate machinery but it fails miserably when it comes to creating individuals.

Disenchantment and Disillusion
Most of us have no idea whatsoever as to how we should go about attracting the right person in our lives. That, perhaps, is the reason why most Indian males are so frustrated. All these instances of sexual assaults – rapes, eve-teasing etc. are quite simply an expression of their frustration. For example why do a vast majority of uneducated or partially educated youth turn to crime? It’s because they have not learnt an adequate trade to support themselves financially. Same is the case with sexual assaults. A vast majority of Indian men have no idea of what they should do to attract a girl. So some of them use physical force and end up doing things that they later regret.

The Psychological Barrier
Now the question that arises is why have I used a character like Joey to explain the dilemma of the frustration and helplessness of today’s males? Because his mind is so uncluttered, so devoid of imagination, so primitive. And this makes him absolutely and utterly fearless. He sets his sights upon a girl and approaches her. Can any of us ever dream of doing something similar? I don’t think so. The symptoms hardly ever differ. Sweaty palms, perspiration, breathlessness, a feeling that the entire world is observing your every move, a conviction that you will make a fool of yourself and perhaps get yourself slapped for your efforts.

The Player’s Proposal
And we quietly walk past her. There are obviously a few Naturals who feel none of these heartbreaking symptoms. They ooze confidence and buoyancy. They are always relaxed and reassured. But most of us aren’t. But that needn’t be the case.

The character of Joey makes one thing very clear. We have absolutely nothing to lose. Believe that. Most of us simply stop trying, because at some point of time in our romantic careers, we were either turned down or slighted by a girl. That moment must have been so painful that we decided that we are better off alone than have our sensibilities assaulted again by similar emotions. Take it as a suggestion. Don’t stop trying, but rather train yourselves better. There are a number of tested tricks that I would gladly share with all my friends that I believe have helped become who I am. So keep reading and keep evolving. May the force be with you!